How to Use Invisible Influence in the Classroom. Part 2

Wherever I coach, the study of the ego state of the leader, as a form of invisible influence, has been the most beneficial device for producing immediate results. Often there is an instantaneous change in the office or classroom environment.

First, a bit of background. In the sixties psychologist Eric Berne wrote a book called 'The Games People Play'. In it he suggests that during our lives we are only ever in one of three ego states: parent, adult or child. For example, a father walking down the road holding his son's hand will be in the ego state of the parent, and the son in the ego state of the child. However, should the father trip, fall and burst into tears, then he adopts the ego state of the child, and if the child then puts his arms around his father and asks him if he's okay, then the child has adopted the ego state of the parent. So, we are changing ego states all of the time.

The thing is that the ego state we are in radically influences those around us. For example an angry knee jerk email accusing you of something you haven't done, (child), might well provoke an immediately defensive (child) email back. Or if a member of our team is upset (child), then we might be pulled to look after them for a while (parent).

So, when we are in a specific ego state we inspire specific natural responses from those around us. And therefore it makes sense that if we can control these ego states, then we can fundamentally control our environment. But how do we do this invisibly, without causing any conflict or confrontation? Let's take a look.

THE CHILD

The child brings about one of two responses, either the child or the parent. One thing is certain, that if we respond as the child then the only resolution to the problem is likely to be a childlike one. After all we have two children fighting. Examples of this are personal reactions in a meeting where the Chair responds personally to a frustrated personal comment. In the classroom it is the teacher's intant reaction to the naughtly child. (My favourite reaction is a teacher shouting at a child for being too noisy!) This sort of conflict draws a lot of childlike attention to itself and often needs someone else to help sort it out. So not good. Don't do it. No proper resolution ever comes of it - just a public battle that is very likely to keep repeating itself. (This is why teachers who exhibit the child ego state in the classroom often have the same problems reoccuring.) Also, there is nearly always a damaged party and an irreparable relationship.

If we respond as the parent, then we are ultimately taking the problem away from the person - looking after them - and this is not really very good for inspiring independent action, whether it be the learning in the classroom, or inspiring a colleague in your team. (continued in part 3)

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