How to use invisible influence in the classroom - Part 3

(Continued from part 2)

THE PARENT

Honestly, this is the worst type of ego state for anyone to be working in. The simple reason is that if you are in parent mode you push everyone you are working with into child mode. This mistake happens a lot with new Heads of Department who decide to look after everyone in their charge. So rather than setting up systems and expectations to develop what they want to see, they take personal responsibility for parenting the team. Everything is wonderful for the first term, until they realize that what they are doing is unsustainable, and then, because the team have been pushed into dependency, when the support is removed, like children they complain and crumble. Even worse is the generic expectation that schools 'parent the parents', and this is causing untold problems, with parents becoming more and more demanding as any child would if given the opportunity.

THE ADULT

The adult ego state is the answer to all of our problems. Basically, this is a relaxed balanced state where you talk to everyone else as if they are adults and expect adult responses back. The adult state does not seek to take responsibility, rather it empowers those around you to make the decisions themselves. Let's take, for example a member of your team coming back to work after a bereavement. To parent them would be to tell them that they don't need to take their classes if they don't want to. The adult approach would be to empower them and to give them the choice, so something like 'I am sorry for your loss, what do you feel capable of doing today?' it's about respect and empowerment. Working with a coach really helps here.

The adult really comes into its own when correcting childlike behaviour. For example, if someone sends you an email ranting and raving and rather than responding in the child state you wait a bit and send back a controlled email in adult mode, then this often allows the person to see how childlike their approach has been without you saying anything, they are left... exposed, and they will probably never send you one again. You see, the childlike state is all about getting a response to battle against, and if you don't give it the behaviour dissipates, often embarrassed.

There are many techniques associated with the adult mode, from leading an effective team, to managing a classroom - and all of them are powerful, invisible and extremely effective. Without it any technque you use is unlikely to be as effective as it would be if associated with the adult ego state